First off for the guys – Post Wedding Blues is real and not imagined (even though it is all in the bride’s head). It is somewhat like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and even has its own acronym PND (Post-Nuptial Depression). The day of glory is over, there is no more planning to be done and reality clashes with expectations. The wedding dream that has been nurtured lovingly since girlhood has to be put away like a favourite comforter that has now been outgrown. So as the rose coloured glasses are removed, the groom often gets caught square in the crosshairs of everything that does not meet with the dreamed of expectations. If you have anything left in your bag of tricks guys, now is the time to dig deep and do some fancy tap-dancing.
Don’t panic it’s not you…hopefully
Chances are that now the penguin suit is back under wraps, the dashing groom has lost some of his fantasy sparkle. Your eyes no longer twinkle so brightly, when you smile the earth doesn’t shift and your touch doesn’t make her heart flutter. Keep your posture and stay positive, be supportive and understanding and stick to calm soothing words and expressions. Don’t patronise, understate or offer solutions or possible causes of her Post-Nuptial Depression (like the embarrassing best man’s speech or the two gifted toasters when you already had one).
Get her to talk about it
This is not something that feels natural to guys – talking about our issues to others. But she wants to discuss it at length and so be gentle, supportive and allow her to talk about being sad. Let her know that what she is feeling is normal and that it is OK to be feeling this way after the wedding. Make sure she knows you are on her side now… keeping family disputes/bias/opinions out of the discussions at all times (never, ever say something like “my mom said you are a bit too sensitive or were being a bit unrealistic”).
Don’t let her stew in the misery
The most anticipated day has passed but don’t let her mope around morning the past and comparing how she is feeling now to how she expected to feel. When caught in the grip of Post-Nuptial Depression, nothing will look like the expected fairy tale ending. Get out instead and do newly married couple stuff. Experience new things and be as romantic as possible to break the depression cycle. Talk about the future as a newly married couple and all the fantastic things you will do as a couple – dream a bit together.