Things you don’t expect on your big day

So, you’ve just spent months, if not years, planning this day. You’ve found the perfect partner, you’re SO in love – your big day has arrived!

Your wedding will probably be all you had hoped it will be, and so much more, but, after all, is said & done, you may feel a little – disappointed…? Here are some reality checks, just to let you know you are not alone.

You will probably miss out on a whole lot of things.

Your wedding day is all about you. You will be taking the most beautiful photographs in your gorgeous outfits, you will be talking and interacting with all your guests. And while this is happening, other things are happening too!

Most couples choose to serve an entrée to their guests while they are off modelling in front of the camera, but we don’t always think about the fact that you won’t be there.

Keep this in mind: Your wedding day is a celebration of your love and unity shared with all your guests. It is important for your guests to enjoy themselves throughout – even if you have to catch up on all the stories after your honeymoon.

You will be tired!

You’d probably been too excited to sleep properly the night before, had been up early enjoying a big breakfast and all the pampering. Nap time will not happen, and by the time you’re having dinner with your guests, you are either exhausted or running on adrenaline already.

Keep this in mind: Enjoy the ride while you can! And when you are done partying, joyfully depart on your own terms.

Do not plan a long drive to your first night’s stay-over, and don’t build up major expectations of your wedding night – fatigue might win this battle, but this should not be the cause of disappointment for either of you.

Now, breathe – it’s all good. You’re not alone

If you get married at Intundla Wedding Venue, just outside of Pretoria, we take care of all your Wedding AND Accommodation needs.


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Tips for Effective Meetings

Meetings are much loved by some and for others, the very mention of the M word strikes fear into the very core of their being. Used effectively meetings can achieve great things and because of this we need to constantly evaluate the meeting results to see if we are still improving or just making things worse.

Don’t have too many meetings

It is understandable that after a successful meeting there is a strong temptation to schedule another soon after. But having too many meetings is ultimately counterproductive to the meetings success. After the important matters have been dealt with, additional meetings usually just end up rehashing the details of the first meeting. Soon all these ‘follow-up’ meetings become resented because more and more time is spent away from important duties.

Have a clear agenda

This is the most important rule for meetings.

The agenda should be clear, concise and have a completion goal for the meeting.
Send the agenda out ahead of time so people can be properly prepared.
If you can’t put together a clear agenda with a definite goal then do not waste anyone’s time by scheduling a meeting.

Timing your meeting

Schedule the meeting at a time when there are no possible clashes or overlaps with other company matters.

Examine who is attending and don’t schedule the meeting when they are typically at their busiest/most demanding part of their day.
Begin on time, no exceptions or excuses.
Set a life time for the meeting so people know that at a certain time the meeting will be over.
Keep on topic and watch the clock – people will be more productive as a result.

Only invite whoever’s absolutely necessary

Make sure you respect everyone’s time and only invite anyone that absolutely has to be there.

Be very selective about who you are inviting to meetings and don’t drag the rest of the team through everyone else’s discussions; you are not adding any value by doing this.

Give everyone a chance to talk

Watch for the spot-light-hogs and anyone prone to monologuing.  Once these people have control of the meeting, the attention of the rest will fade.

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Post Wedding Blues – Survival Tips for the poor Groom

First off for the guys – Post Wedding Blues is real and not imagined (even though it is all in the bride’s head). It is somewhat like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and even has its own acronym PND (Post-Nuptial Depression). The day of glory is over, there is no more planning to be done and reality clashes with expectations. The wedding dream that has been nurtured lovingly since girlhood has to be put away like a favourite comforter that has now been outgrown. So as the rose coloured glasses are removed, the groom often gets caught square in the crosshairs of everything that does not meet with the dreamed of expectations. If you have anything left in your bag of tricks guys, now is the time to dig deep and do some fancy tap-dancing.

Don’t panic it’s not you…hopefully

Chances are that now the penguin suit is back under wraps, the dashing groom has lost some of his fantasy sparkle. Your eyes no longer twinkle so brightly, when you smile the earth doesn’t shift and your touch doesn’t make her heart flutter. Keep your posture and stay positive, be supportive and understanding and stick to calm soothing words and expressions.  Don’t patronise, understate or offer solutions or possible causes of her Post-Nuptial Depression (like the embarrassing best man’s speech or the two gifted toasters when you already had one).

Get her to talk about it

This is not something that feels natural to guys – talking about our issues to others. But she wants to discuss it at length and so be gentle, supportive and allow her to talk about being sad. Let her know that what she is feeling is normal and that it is OK to be feeling this way after the wedding.  Make sure she knows you are on her side now… keeping family disputes/bias/opinions out of the discussions at all times (never, ever say something like “my mom said you are a bit too sensitive or were being a bit unrealistic”).

Don’t let her stew in the misery

The most anticipated day has passed but don’t let her mope around morning the past and comparing how she is feeling now to how she expected to feel. When caught in the grip of Post-Nuptial Depression, nothing will look like the expected fairy tale ending.  Get out instead and do newly married couple stuff. Experience new things and be as romantic as possible to break the depression cycle. Talk about the future as a newly married couple and all the fantastic things you will do as a couple – dream a bit together.

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Lead from the inside and find your passion and purpose

Despite popular opinion leadership is a learned skill rather than a gift that was bestowed upon some people at birth. Granted some people do have a more natural knack for leading, but it is due to our past experiences that give us the courage to step forward and take charge.
In the instance of someone who declares to be a non-leader there will be many instances in their past where they received negative feedback or were held back by others. This undermining is fairly natural to growing up as we learn and our personalities are shaped. The difference is an unbreakable belief in our abilities creating a positive self-image that allows people to rise to the challenge despite their fears. This belief is reinforced over time as the leader is shaped, formed and learns new skills.
Make no mistake a leader is afraid, especially when they take those first steps, but their past experience has taught them that they can be the leader despite the obstacles and possibility of failure. Fear but, without self-doubt, mixed with confidence and self-purpose.  So if you have previously not been a ‘natural’ leader, how do you become one now?

It is OK to make mistakes
John Maxwell – notes that leadership could well be defined as failing forward.  All leaders have failed and the greatest leaders have failed the most. The defining moment occurs seconds after our realisation that we have failed and the path to greatness lies in how we handle those few seconds.  Recognise that our ‘knee-jerk’ response to a situation is not always the right reaction and we can learn new behaviours to replace the old negative responses.

Relive your past
Our past experience shapes todays thoughts and actions. If you are clinging on the all the baggage and failures of your past, your future will be marked with hesitation, timid behaviour and fear. Endeavour to let it all go, leave the past behind and replace the negative experiences with positive memories. Move forward focussing on the positive and determine to create more memories that will boost your self-image.

Don’t let your mistakes undermine your core self-image
There is a tendency to relive the mistakes over and over like probing a sore tooth. The result is that the failure just gets more painful and our minds start generating a host of negative self-depreciating thoughts.  Learn to analyse the error calmly and critically whilst protecting your core self-image and then move on.

Get out of your comfort zone
There is no growing in your comfort zone and no comfort while you are growing.  Leaders are more exposed than followers but the rewards are greater. We are all leaders but if you haven’t tried your first attempts will be challenging. Take small deliberate steps and find situations where you can practice the craft of leadership. You don’t have to try to take over the company or start a power struggle with your boss – Team Building Activities provide a safe environment to score a few leadership points.  Look for opportunities on a day to day basis that will allow you to step out of your comfort zone and take on the challenge.

Praise your progress
Whenever you accept the challenge and step out of your comfort zone you have already achieved something great. Despite the outcome, take some time to congratulate yourself, however small the step.

Keep looking for opportunities that will challenge and stretch yourself and just like climbing a mountain happens one step at a time, you will one day be rewarded with a remarkable view.


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